Someday
by Araven14
Summary: Rin knew that they were keeping things from him - terrible, life-shattering things. Well that was okay - they weren't the only ones who knew how to keep a secret.


**This is my first Ao No Exorcist/Blue Exorcist/whatever you want to call it fanfiction, as well as my first attempt at writing something angsty with no pairings. Not even implied ones. Just, you know, angst with a little bit of sibling fluff (of the non-twincest variety, because I'm afraid I don't like that much... Bon/Rin for me, thanks) towards the end. ****This was really a sort of experiment - having never written in this fandom before, I wanted to try to get a feel for the mood and the characters, though I'm not sure how well I managed it. I'll give a little explanation of the way I've chosen to have Rin think and act at the end of the story, but for now I'll try to be brief, since long Author's Notes can sometimes be distracting.**

**This isn't really AU, but neither is it entirely canon... I'm not entirely sure what you'd call it. Semi-AU? AE (alternate events)? Anway, I just couldn't get the thought out of my head - everyone around Rin knew about his demon-ness. Surely he had to have noticed something weird somewhere along the way? And then this little beauty popped into existence (not even kidding, this thing practically wrote itself).**

**Also, I may not write any more Ao No Exorcist stuff for a while, since I am still very deep into my D. Gray-man obssession. So, sorry (or perhaps not, if you think that I'm really not suited to this fandom).**

**Disclaimer - disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>The chains creaked gently as Rin swung himself back and forth. The park was empty apart from him, and he was grateful for the time alone. Glaring half heartedly at the small, bug-like demons that swarmed past him, he planted his feet on the ground to stop the swing's motion. Immediately, hundreds of the Coal Tars buzzed eagerly around him, their feeble cries almost inaudible.<p>

"Young master! Young master!" They all said, their voices a harsh cacophony that left Rin with a pounding headache. He scowled and swatted them away with a careless hand, mentally cursing them all to Gehenna, back where they belonged. Of course, his cursing did no good whatsoever; if anything, they only crowded him more. "Has young master awakened? Young master!" Rin only growled in response, baring his teeth at them, though they were not affected in the slightest by his display of aggression. He snorted quietly, turning his face away from them.

"Stubborn little bastards," he grumbled to himself, pushing off and starting to swing again. The effect was instantaneous – the small demons lost interest and flew away, probably to find some human to hang around.

Rin couldn't understand how humans could be so blind to the demons that surrounded them. He stared at his upturned hands for a moment, before blue flames flashed across his vision and he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his hands around the chains of the swing. He couldn't forget about it, even for a second; now it seemed that even his mind and his eyes were set on making sure he couldn't escape what he was.

For a few seconds, Rin contemplated going home – he was already late for dinner, and his father (_not his father, not really_) would probably be worried about him. Yukio too, no doubt; they were too good to him, considering they both knew what he was.

It was almost painful, to watch them smile at him and feign ignorance – as though they had no idea that he was a monster, the son of Satan himself. Yukio still bandaged all of his cuts and helped him find new jobs, and Father Fujimoto – the old bastard – still grinned at him and offered daft life lessons that were surprisingly useful. Rin had lost count of the number of times he had almost exploded, random objects bursting into blue flames every now and then. Everyone laughed it off, pretended it meant nothing to them, though it was obvious to anyone with half a brain that they were terrified. Even so, he still had to be oblivious.

It was the only way he could possibly continue with this facade of normality.

Eventually, though, he couldn't bring himself to stand up from the swing. Frowning slightly, he called a small ball of blue flame to his hands and passed it over and under his fingers like he would do with a coin. The blue light lit his face from beneath, casting eerie shadows and plunging his eyes into darkness. Though his powers had not truly awoken – they couldn't until he drew Kurikara for the first time – he had still mastered a few tricks here and there.

Rin wasn't exactly sure when he had learned of what he was, but he could remember the conversation perfectly well – he had woken from a nightmare, and had crept out of the room he and Yukio shared, trying desperately not to wake his twin. The plan was that he would go to their father, who often stayed up reading late into the night, and sit with him for a while, until all thoughts of the dream were banished by his father's comforting presence. Tip-toeing to the room he thought his father would be in, he paused when he heard voices and pressed his ear to the door, listening carefully.

It was not his father speaking, but rather, several of the men – exorcists, they were _exorcists_ – that Rin had thought to be his... Not friends, not exactly, but something close.

He heard them talking about him, calling him a _monster_, an _abomination_ that should never have been let into the church. They said he was a danger, not only to those close to him, but to everyone around him. He had listened as they wondered aloud why the son of Satan had been spared by the church, why such an evil had been allowed to live when his father (his _true _father in only one sense of the word) had killed so many. It wasn't right, they said, it wasn't _fair_.

No, what wasn't fair, Rin thought bitterly, was having been brought up to believe a lie. The number of times he had been called a demon by his ignorant classmates, only to have Father Fujimoto clap his hands over his ears to muffle the taunts. The number of times he had been so easily soothed by assurances that he was a normal, human child, only to have that one small comfort taken away from him.

Of course, this encounter only raised more questions for Rin. Who else knew about his true parentage? What did they all think about him now? Surely they couldn't _all_ hate him.

It took several sessions of late-night eavesdropping, but he eventually learned everything he needed to know; about himself, about Satan, about Father Fujimoto, and – the one that stung the most – about Yukio. Yukio, who knew everything and had been hiding it from him, who had always promised to tell Rin all of his secrets. The wimpy, spotty, four-eyed younger brother knew everything and was training to become an exorcist. For Rin, that was the last straw – so everyone was keeping secrets from him? Well two could play at that game.

Though Rin wasn't really sure where to start looking, he started to go out demon-hunting, skipping meals and hurrying away whenever possible. In the end, the demon found him, but he didn't really like to quibble over the details.

Only a little thing, the demon still presented the half-demon child with enough of a challenge to leave him bruised, bleeding and panting, but triumphant nonetheless. It was the first time Rin had consciously tried to use and control his flames, and it had almost killed him far more effectively than the demon he fought. His terror when he realised that he was barely in control of himself was terrible, but he steeled himself against his fear. If he couldn't learn to keep himself in check now, with most of his powers sealed, then he would never be safe around humans, and that was the one thing Rin wanted more than anything else.

He wouldn't let anyone get hurt because of him.

So he practiced more, seeking out more demons, and for quite a while, Rin had to get used to objects spontaneously bursting into bright blue flames. He also had to quickly get used to lying to his brother, the only person he had never been dishonest with. There was no denying that it hurt, but the thought of Yukio knowing that he knew of their deception hurt far more, and he settled uncomfortably into his routine of lies.

A routine that he still clung to, even now several years later. He didn't fully understand how it had been successful for so long, but he was certainly grateful that it had. Even after so much time had passed, he wasn't sure how his twin and foster-father would react; truthfully, Rin couldn't even be sure of how _he_ would react. He thought that he was in control of himself, but if that ever slipped...

This way was just far easier, that was all; better for everyone. Nodding to himself, Rin let out the breath he hadn't realised that he was holding and smiled faintly. The flames in his hand wavered slightly before blinking out of existence, and for a few moments there was nothing but the soft _creak_ of the swing.

Something about Rin changed that night, when he was still a frightened child clinging to the belief that he was just like all of the other children he knew. He was no longer provoked by a few barbed words, fearing what he might do should his anger be enough to awaken his flames. He left school completely, instead dedicating himself to his 'research' – every waking moment away from the house was spent studying demons and everything about them.

Much of what he found was useless – children's stories and old myths, but the occasional book (as well as the odd run-in with particularly chatty demons) gave him some useful information.

The True Cross Order, as well as the True Cross Academy, worked tirelessly to eliminate demonic threats – however, nowhere was it mentioned what they might do with a case such as Rin. After all, it wasn't everyday that the son of Satan decided he'd really rather be living with the humans than killing them. Rin wasn't sure that he'd be given a chance to explain all of that though; there wasn't really much more of a threat to mankind than Satan's offspring living in Assiah.

However, he wasn't about to become a true demon and go through a gate to Gehenna just so that he wouldn't have to face the inevitable outcome of his deception. Rin liked to think that he still had quite a bit of time left, but the truth of the matter was that someone was bound to figure it out sooner or later. Of course, Rin would prefer it to be later...

Maybe it would be better to get it over and done with, though. Out of the way, since it would eventually happen one way or the other.

Rin could just imagine Yukio's face – betrayed, horrified, as though _Rin_ was the one who had been in the wrong first. Yes, it may have been childish of Rin to think that way, but the thought of his brother being angry because Rin had been keeping secrets was almost laughably hypocritical. He could just about _hear_ the annoyed tone Yukio would adopt, one that would neatly hide any other, more personal (and therefore embarrassing) emotions. _Nii-san, are you..._

"...even listening to me?" That voice sounded far more real than the one he had been imagining, and Rin's head whipped up, blue catching blue and holding it there, even behind the black-framed glasses.

"I've been calling you for almost a minute, nii-san," Yukio continued, his voice a strange blend of irritable and ever so slightly fond. Rin blinked for a couple of seconds before pasting a wide grin across his face and sheepishly rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Ah, sorry, I lost track of time," he laughed awkwardly, slipping into this familiar pattern as easily as if it were a second skin. Yukio just gave him an indulgent smile and sighed, shaking his head as he did so – as though Rin was some sort of hopeless case. In some ways, he supposed he was.

"Never mind – come on, it's time to go home, or father'll start to worry about us." Rin managed to keep his emotions in check, and his facial expression hardly wavered, something he was proud of. Yukio didn't appear to notice his twin's momentary scowl, and offered a hand to help Rin stand – as though he really needed the help. Nonetheless, after a few seconds, Rin reached out and grasped his brother's hand, making note of the slight calluses that were already forming. It scared him to know that his brother was out risking his life, because no matter how bitter Rin felt, Yukio was still his little brother. Rin should be protecting him, not the other way around.

"What were you thinking about so hard that you didn't even notice me calling?" Yukio asked, and Rin just shrugged, turning to grin at his brother and sling an arm around his shoulders.

"Nothing that a spotty, four-eyes like you needs to worry about," he laughed, ruffling Yukio's hair and knocking his glasses askew before running away. He could hear Yukio shouting at him, could sense his brother chasing after him, and Rin let himself get caught up in the moment, laughing as though he knew nothing of lies and deceit and pain.

So he would have to tell them the truth one day. That didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy today.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, character explanation time - Rin may have been a little bit out of character here, For instance, the bitterness he feels towards Shiro Fujimoto and Yukio, which doesn't really appear in the animemanga for more than about ten seconds - it just kind of appears and then he gets over it just as fast. However, at the time, events were moving very quickly, and so Rin had to adapt to those just as fast. Had there been nothing of the sort happening, and Rin had time to dwell on it and stew a little bit, I don't think it would be so strange for him to be a little bit mad.**

**Let's face it, if anyone has a right to be mad, it's Rin.**

**Yeah, okay, I'm a bit of a Rin fangirl - he's not bad for a main character, and surprisingly relatable, although for some reason he's been pissing me off in recent chapters. I'm hoping that he'll do something to redeem himself though.**

**Anyway, tangent over, I think (hope!) that the basics of Rin's personality pretty much stayed the same - he can be focused when he has a goal in mind and well, when he wants to be, and I reckon that if he had found out this as a child, he would have calmed down a little, because Rin's basically a good guy. He doesn't want people to be needlessly hurt because of him. Or something.**

**Well, now that I've finished my rant, all I really have left to say is thank you for reading this fanfic, if you read the whole Author's Note then you have my respect, because it's absurdly long, and I would really like to hear your views (on the fic, on Rin, on the series in general, etc) so kindly leave a review :)**


End file.
